he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
