you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
