Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
