Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
