I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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