dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
