Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
