Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
