i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
