There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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