i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
