Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
