It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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