I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
