So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
