The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
