I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
