Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
