Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
