I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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