is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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