if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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