Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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