i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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