He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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