Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
