You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think my mom watched the whole time
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
