We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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