he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i will never coherently bang her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
