Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
