I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
