I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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