I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't think brook has ever known best
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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