I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Bring me that man meat
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
