thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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