She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
