I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
