The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
