OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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