Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
