I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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