Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
