Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
