can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Never underestimate the power of titties
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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