Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
