dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you will always have a special place in my vag
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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