So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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