So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
