Swine flu. Run for my life!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
