I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
