The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
