As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
